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I’m a bit frustrated with smart phones lately.  Instead of making life easier, this cute little device with the pretty colors and smiley faces is costing me a fortune to be more harried than at any other point in my life.

My son’s middle school is having a seminar on Smart Phone Usage for Tweens & Teens.  I’ll tell ya what’s smart usage – not letting tweens and teens have a smart phone in the first place.

Easy going 16 year old son’s phone is not holding a charge, he announced yesterday with the same passion I’d like expressed regarding studying for the SATs.  I know how worried you are that he won’t be able to get the Tottenham HotSpurs/Manchester City soccer score in real time.  Oh, the agony.

My daughter is spending a semester in Rome.  She should have left her phone home as calls to AT&T to unlock her phone and demand I pay more fees for an international data plan had me wishing she could communicate like I did when I went to Europe in college.  Here is a step by step guide to a newfangled idea I’d like to introduce to my family:

  1. Fly to the Himalayas where they are on the cutting edge of fast growing environmentally friendly Eucalyptus trees to be made into paper.
  2. Log – pulp – paper.  You can enjoy the sites while you wait for this process to be completed something you wouldn’t be doing if you were on your smartphone/instagram/snapchat etc.
  3. Get a small device filled with ink also known as a pen.
  4. Using the pen, write down your communication on the paper using both sides to be sure you don’t need to fly back to the Himalayas for more paper.
  5. Put letter in a piece of folded/glued paper also known as an envelope.
  6. Seal the flap.
  7. Write the person’s name and address on the envelope.
  8. Buy a stamp, affix it to the envelope and put in the mailbox.

While I wait for your letter, you can enjoy the Vatican, the Colosseum and those little out of the way places most tourists never find.