I stumbled across a research project involving a group of 25 – 30 year old stud muffins males. The study involved a great deal of ogling statistical analysis and I won’t bore you with the parameters, variables, algorithms, functions or mean/median/mode/range (I always confuse those anyway) deviations. I will present just the facts with heavy emphasis on sweeping generalizations about this highly targeted demographic. The American Apparel Association should sit up and take note:
- This demographic abhors wearing shirts. My grueling study involved hours in the sun observing these hotties males playing soccer yet even before anyone took the field they were already shirtless. Whether they scored a goal, rode the bench or guzzled Gatorade, at some point they took off their shirt. Not that I’m complaining.
- When this sample cluster does wear a shirt, it is three times too small for their totally jacked bods. I believe a few of them were begging my 11 year old for his shirt. Not that I’m complaining.
- If they do momentarily put on a too small shirt, they lift up that shirt approximately 122 times per minute flashing their pectoral and abdominal muscles (notice use of appropriate scientific terminology). Please note that excessive drooling occurred while looking for statistical anomalies. None were discovered.
- The group is apparently into scrapbooking. Who would have thought? I mean why else would they carry around scissors? They must go scrapbooking after they use the scissors to cut off the sleeves of their extra small shirts exposing biceps that should never be covered up.
I hope the world appreciates the implications of this data. I will be looking for future opportunities to study the trouser habits of this statistically significant cluster.
Note: I was not out on some cougar crawl. My 16 year old son played in a soccer game against alumni from his high school. As I graduated from the same school, I thought I might see some people from the year I graduated. Those men would definitely have been wearing shirts.