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Supersize doesn’t just apply to McDonalds anymore.  Think flat screens, SUVs and My Super Sweet 16.  Unfortunately, add 5th grade graduations to that list.

My youngest completed 5th grade.  As his siblings are in college and high school, I have little time for the over-the-top parents who stalk the school anxious for a chance to drop off a batch of cupcakes at a moment’s notice.  And these aren’t your Mama’s cupcakes – it’s Cake Boss or nothing in my suburban New Jersey town.

Think back to the fanfare surrounding your 5th grade graduation.  I’m still waiting.  That’s right – there were no extravagant parties, no gifts and no parade culminating your monumental achievement.  Perhaps your parents forgot to buy you the latest IPhone or MacBook for a graduation present and maybe if you give them a call they will make it up to you.  I’ll have to remind my son to do that since he didn’t receive any gifts/checks/trips/vehicles for finishing 5th grade.

The following is a list of graduation events held at my son’s elementary school:

Parent/Student Dinner Dance

5th Grade Breakfast

5th Grade Ice Cream Social

5th Grade Pizza Party

5th Grade Softball Game

As today was the last day of school, an inaugural 5th grade Clap-Out was held.  Okay, I actually thought this was a cute idea – the Kindergarten through 4th grade students lined the hallways to cheer and high-five the 5th graders.  If they hadn’t involved the parents (come on, we’ve already been invited to all of the above), I would have held my tongue and not posted.  But in the email to parents informing us we could attend the Clap-Out, the Principal said (and I quote):

Feel free to make signs.  Please no confetti.

Did he really need to request no confetti???  What about a Marching Band, Justin Bieber and a new car – are those allowed?  Parents clamored to find a way to replace confetti and still make their child feel special.  A flurry of texts and emails regarding sign making almost shut down the internet this morning.  Glitter, floral arrangements and balloons accompanied the signs for the 12 second walk out of the school.  Don’t get me started on the parent with pom-poms.  It seemed more appropriate for a Pre-School graduation than 5th graders looking to master middle school in a few short months.

I confess that had it been my first child, I probably would have drank the Kool-Aid and felt pressure to make a sign.  I’m not proud of that fact but admitting it is the first step towards getting help.

As I wonder whether my son will be traumatized because I didn’t hold up a sign, I have decided to call United Airlines to see if they’ll fly over the school with a banner:

Congratulations RD – good luck in middle school!

Love – Mom, Dad, BG, C, 

 and Jimmy (your recently deceased goldfish)

Thankfully the Principal said signs were permitted.