Tags
alcohol, Binge drinking, Carrie Bradshaw, Family Feud, Jonathan Franzen, mid-life crisis, New Jersey, New York City, Real Housewives of New Jersey, The Wall Street Journal, wine, women
In an unprecedented disclosure of the obvious, the 6/22/13 Wall Street Journal published an article by Gabrielle Glaser titled, Why She Drinks – Beyond the Sipping Point, citing “women’s growing predilection for wine has a darker side.” She discusses how beginnings as a “harmless indulgence” has morphed into women who can’t do without. The big reveal in the article, insert Family Feud theme music here: The Survey says, “the whiter and more educated you are, the more likely you are imbibing in excess.”
No shit, Sherlock.
Just spend a day in my suburban New Jersey neighborhood to see how glaringly true this article is. From the “liquid lunches” with the pretense of discussing PTA fundraisers to the hours spent on bleachers at baseball games where red cups are as much a fixture as strikeouts, the health research in the article supports the wave that “women are drinking more now than at any other time in recent history.”
Glamorized by Sex and the City, Real Housewives of New Jersey and the cultural phenomenon of 15 minutes of fame – women in their thirties (harried new mothers), forties (mid-life crisis), fifties and sixties (not much else to do) are engaging in binge drinking comparable to college-aged females, according to the article.
I did my share of binge drinking in college, happy to have made it out alive. In my twenties, when working in New York City and then newly married, I felt I was playing the role of an adult which including drinking wine. Yuck – I didn’t like the taste. Growing up, my father drank red wine like water. Our cabinets were filled with garish green tumblers fastened from a kit my father bought to convert wine bottles into drinking glasses. Okay, if your hobby is recycling wine bottles into a usable household item, you certainly are drinking A LOT of red wine. I never developed a taste for wine, the only one in my wide circle of friends that didn’t have a glass when escaping our broods desperate for adult time. I was happy with a Carrie Cosmo and knew my limits (most of the time) as it was tiring enough dealing with three kids without a hangover.
Several people close to me have developed severe alcohol addictions over the last ten years. They were functioning alcoholics, working and pretending to be happy with their family and lives when secretly drinking in the basement, on the road or leaving work early to pour that first glass. In some cases, the damage done by their drinking is irreparable. I have seen the dark side. All of the above led me to cut down significantly on my own drinking. Maybe a Cosmo at a restaurant and a beer or two at a neighborhood BBQ over the summer. I stick to diet coke with lime, as it cuts down on the calories, the next day headache and the “chardonnay splotch” appropriately named in Jonathan Franzen’s book “Freedom” mentioned by Glaser in her article.
I am easy going with other’s choices as long as they don’t affect me or my children. But white forty-year old women have become the mean girls on the playground; if you thought peer pressure was bad in high school, it’s nothing compared to a not so real housewife of New Jersey without her own show having to drink alone. This became grossly apparent with my son’s baseball team this past year.
One parent arrived to an early Sunday morning game with Baileys and coffee in her environmentally friendly cup. As a few other parents caught on, mimosas replaced coffee and I was quickly ignored for not partaking. After a long week of work, another parent showed up to the fields with a cooler encouraging the rest to grab a cup and hide their cold Corona. There were lots of toasts but not when the kids got a hit because nobody was watching the game. This continued throughout the season. I was entrenched in writing my first novel and couldn’t afford 2 ½ hours gossiping at games; this prompted trash talk from the other parents. “Oh, nice of you to show up,” they sneered annoyed when I declined a cup. Discreet full bars of alcohol and mixers for various Solo Cup Cocktails made their way to tournaments; it was hot as hell, the kids were cranky from mounting losses yet the parents were having a good time in their vodka-tonic haze. I often wondered who was driving home.
The article mentions suburban women concealing their drinking: sneaking their recyclables into other’s bins or personally dropping their stash off at the dump. In my town, women celebrate and chat about drinking every chance they get. Perhaps these women are lucky enough not to see others affected negatively by alcohol; perhaps they are content with their lives, something sorely missing in my own life. I envy their care-free college mentality but know if I spend my time matching them glass for glass, I won’t accomplish my goals.
Give me Carrie Bradshaw’s exotic world, complete with a Mr. Big love interest, and I guarantee I’d have the biggest alcohol problem in the tri-state area. Instead I’ll nurse my Cosmo and follow it up with a shot of diet coke with lime when I’m out with friends and stick to water at the ball fields. Cheers.
ana74x said:
Sad but true about the mean girl thing. I chose not to partake of the boozy/flirting with strangers activities of the mothers at my kids school, and heard about the comments saying I wasn’t “allowed” out because of a controlling husband. I was 25 and they were all around 40. Now that I’m almost 40 I enjoy a drink more than ever, but I couldn’t fathom drinking then getting behind the wheel, kids or no kids. But sitting at the kids activities and numbing it all with booze is just sad. Stay home instead and don’t look like such a dickhead. Great post.
Running1 said:
Exactly – thx for not mincing words, that sums it up perfectly!
runningonsober said:
What a great post–Amen to it all. I self-medicated with booze and wine to cope with grief and anxiety, but after I established a physical dependence, I knew I needed to give it up. I’m proud to be alcohol-free, but do sometimes feel like an outcast. Most people are very supportive or could care less, it’s usually the ones that have an alcohol problem themselves that are the harshest to judge.
Happy to have found your blog,
Christy
Running1 said:
Hi Christy, you should be proud of your strength. I know many people who have described it as you did – “outcast” for doing something to help themselves. Thanks for sharing and all the best.
broadsideblog said:
Wow. That’s just scary. My mother is an alcoholic and it has caused me a tremendous amount of grief, pain and unnecessary drama (in addition to her being divorced, bipiolar and — as a result of all of this — mostly friendless.) As her only child, I felt I had to keep stepping in/up and finally (she is in a nursing home now) just gave up. Life has never been happier for me. Alcohol destroys people and their families. I lived it.
I was at Glaser’s book party last night and it’s become (apparently thanks to the WSJ piece) a best-seller. I admire her for talking about it….what’s obvious socially is often not discussed journalistically.
Running1 said:
I am sorry you spent so much time dealing with your mom’s issues. I too have seen so much pain from it.
That is wonderful for the author – I often wondered if I was alone in thinking this is a suburban middleclass problem because I wasn’t partaking but she showed it is not.
broadsideblog said:
I’m glad you blogged this. The more that people talk about it openly — no matter the pushback, the better. The single worst thing about having an alcoholic parent (for me) was pretending to others she was not. It has been hell.