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An Open Letter of Friendship Resignation to my Former Dearest Friends 

Dear FU2 and FU3,

It’s been a blast.  I hate to be cliché but all good things must come to an end.  We’ve had a great run – an epic friendship of laughter, closeness, mostly crazy times and a few tears.  You’ve been my confidantes and at times I’m not sure how I would have survived without you so it’s a bit surprising to me that a man is coming between us.

I didn’t find it funny that a shirtless Rob Lowe, in all his tattooed glory, was having breakfast with you this morning, FU2.  I found it friendship ending.  As everybody knows, Rob Lowe is my shirtless crush (when Ryan Gosling isn’t available of course).  I’ve had dibs on Rob for over a year now and this is a deal breaker.  Maybe if you and Rob only feasted on lunch, I could have forgiven you both and moved on, but breakfast carries with it a whole bunch of unforgivable connotations.  I know you tempted Rob with your crazy mad organic cooking skills, certainly trumping my pantry full of Frosted Cheerios.

Although FU3 wasn’t actually present at your intimate breakfast rendezvous, I know she is storming up 195 at this very moment to complete your threesome with Rob.

I’m off to drown my sorrows and watch St. Elmo’s Fire.  Have a good life.

Your former friend,